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Get to know other's comfort zone and devise ways to communicate.

Updated: May 29, 2022

Last year in 2021, I was certified as a tie-style (performance enhancement coaching) and Tomabechi-style coaching coach.



I also took coaching when I was active in the company.

In 2000, when I was seconded to the TQM Promotion Department of Toyota Headquarters for about a year, I decided to introduce coaching, and I took a trial lesson there.



I forgot the name of the coaching company at that time. Still, I remember being impressed with the method of communication between my boss and his subordinates, saying, "Don't teach in an easy-to-understand manner."



The instructor will explain the action of throwing balls at a short distance, likening them to communication, while throwing the balls.

Let's throw the ball softly where the opponent can easily take it

If you throw a straight ball with a strong force, the opponent may not receive it

It's tough to throw the ball at the ground suddenly, even though you're interacting.



I still remember that it was straightforward to understand.



Policy management is the cornerstone of TQM management.

Policy management is a mechanism to share the priority issues of the fiscal year with the organization, formulate measures to achieve the issues at the beginning of the year, follow the implementation status of the measures, and surely achieve the issues.



"As a boss, throw a unilaterally conceived task to your subordinates." It corresponds to 2.


"Raise your motivation!" It is also 2.

Motivation is born after you have completed a task, so let's have a successful experience before saying, "Get motivated!".


"Think about that for yourself! That's why you can't." It is 3.


After all, 1. "In a place where it is easy for the other party

to takeIt is important to "throw the ball softly".



In resolving the priority issues of the year, making a plan while communicating with superiors and subordinates, seniors and juniors is the communication field itself. Priority issues are usually 90% likely to be resolved once the resolution process is complete.



Even if you say "coaching", the main content of the above coaching was to teach you how to communicate well with your superiors and subordinates.


However, the coaching started by Louis E. Tice, the ancestor of the Thai style, in the United States is the real thing among the original and genuine ones adopted by more than half of the Fortune 500 companies, including the presidents of the United States.


Dr Tomabechi was invited there to coach world dignitaries and create a curriculum for children with Lou Tice.


In the later years of Lou Tice, he was so confident that he nominated him as his successor.


And until just before Lou died, he came to Japan and gave a lecture.

They made the text by using the video to give a Thai-style lecture.


In the United States, swimming Olympic coach Mark Schubert has inherited Lou's will, but the rest of the world is profitable and not the successor to Lou.


Mark is the coach of Michael Phelps, who won 23 gold medals at the Olympics, but Mark himself is not a swimmer.


In a scene where Tiger Woods was leading at the end of a game, and the opponent decided to putt, it would be in the playoffs, "Please calm this putt! The story that I was thinking about is famous.


His father, Earl Woods, has been coached in the US military in a Thai style and taught his coaching to his son Tiger.


Like a tiger, the high level of self-efficacy that "I want to get involved in the playoffs here and win" has resulted in such a thought that is unthinkable for ordinary people. (Efficacy is a self-assessment of one's ability to achieve a goal)


Currently, Dr Tomabechi has certified in both Thais-style coaching and Tomabechi-style.


I was also directly certified by Dr Tomabechi.


When Lou Tice began coaching, he had the power of psychological authority, but with the addition of Dr Tomabechi, he introduced a wealth of cognitive science knowledge.


For example, the finding of "setting goals outside the status quo" comes from cognitive science.


I intended to talk about communication, but it turned out to be coaching; even if I call myself the same coaching, the contents are entirely different.


Coaching by no means teaches simple communication skills.


Authentic coaching is to make your comfortable life in general.


I want to tell you that there is no misunderstanding here.


There is a comfort zone in the human brain.

I've mentioned the comfort zone many times in other blog posts.


I hope you understand that it is the most comfortable area for humans.


When you play a soccer match against your home and the opponent's away, the home is more relaxed and gives better performance because you are playing in the zone with Home-Comfort.


It's useless if a professional can't exert his strength, but even for amateurs, the performance will be different between home and away.


Ryo Ishikawa was expected in Japan, but he couldn't win in the United States because his comfort zone said, "There is no way that such a good score can continue," and he unconsciously broke the score. It is said that it was.


The same is true for us amateur golfers.

A golfer who always rounds with about 90 strokes happened to be +3 until the end of the first half.

Even if you think in your consciousness that "if you keep going like this, you will get the best of yourself", it is the same as denying that "it cannot be that way" and making a big hit.


These examples are the techniques that the comfort zone can do.


The comfort zone is, to put it simply, the "optimal area where you can relax and exert your true strength."


On the other hand, it is "my shell that I do not want to go out of the realm of peace".


The goal set outside the current situation (comfort zone) can break the shell.


Everyone has a comfort zone.


If you "throw a task that his boss unilaterally came up with to his subordinates" toward his subordinates, the power to bounce back will work.


Moreover, if you say, "Think about that for yourself! You can't do it," I think your boss is your enemy.



Therefore, it is essential to "throw the ball softly where the opponent can easily take it".


One of the psychological properties of human beings is that "if there is no discomfort at the beginning, we will accept everything."


The speaker first assembles the story according to the other person's pace so that the other person can easily accept it.


It is called pacing.

If you are drawn into it, and the other person accepts the speaker's ideas, the other person will build a rapport with the speaker.


When two or more people share one immersive space, a special feeling is created between those who share it. It is called "rapport" in clinical psychology.



学校では、最初は生徒が担任教師を「先生」と言って、ラポールを感じて尊敬していますが、付き合いが長くなってくると、「センコウ」と呼ぶようになります。🙃


有名なストックホルム症候群という話があります。

銀行強盗に入った強盗に、密室で(男らしい?犯人に)ラポールを感じた女子行員が、警察が突入して、その強盗を逮捕しようすると、警官の行為を妨害しようとしたという話です。


その後、二人は結婚までしたそうです。最後には、女性が男性を尻に敷くところまで後日談があります。


ただ、この例はハイパーラポールと言って、通常のラポールとは区別して捉える必要があります。


ラポール、ハイパーラポールとも賞味期限があるようです。

  • 部下と話をするときには、相手にコンフォートゾーンのあることを忘れないように

  • 相手が取りやすいところに、柔らかくボールを投げてあげる

  • 出だしに違和感がなければ、全てを受け入れてしまう

  • 相手が受け入れやすいように、相手の歩調(ペース)に合わせて話を組み立てます

これで、ラポールを築けたらもうこっちのものです。


最後にもう一点、これをお忘れなく。

課題を与えるときには、部下のやりたいこととが、組織の課題に包含されていることが重要です。


例えば、部下が、「自分の仕事を、先輩のように上手くやれるようになりたい」と考えているとします。


そのときに上司として、ひとつ抽象度を高くして、組織の生産性向上につなげて、

「君がこの技術を身につけてくれたら、生産性は上がるから、是非1ランク上に挑戦してほしい」

と言ってみたら良いでしょう。


そうすれば、組織としてのベクトルが揃ってきます。

当たり前のことですが、ベクトルが揃うと、力は同じ方向に強く働きます。


コンフォートゾーン、ラポール、ベクトル合わせが今回のキーワードです。


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